Random thoughts, illusions and dreams....

A long Hiatus

2006-05-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

Its been a month since i blogged..probabaly was caught up in the whirlwind of emotions at having to leave my friends and abode of four years.A few tears were shed and the heart felt heavy when we realised that life would take us all on different paths and our paths may never cross again.There was suddenly a vaccuum.The final goodbye was the hardest of all.I was seeing faces infront of me which i would probably not be able to see again in future.This thought shuddered me.Some people said that I was being pessimistic but I knew I was being realistic.Life moves on at a very fast pace ,sometimes we try to move even faster leaving things behind to such an extent that when we turn around to see what we left, everything seems nebulous.We least care about it and move ahead never again trying to look back.Situations change,attitudes change, responsibities change ,priorities change and people change.Change is the only constant in the world.Saying and promising that we would be "Friends forever" is easier said than done.A few years down the line everyone would be at different pedestals of life,each of us trying in our own ways to prove ourselves in the real world.We will be birds, with no longer sheltered homes ,eager to spread our wings to the fullest and survive in this world. There will be friends far and few who would be willing to help , care and share.The kind of bonhomie,selfless help and unconditional love that we have experienced in these years would become a rarity then.We would have to behave as "Professionals".We would be part of the "Corporate world" where every word we say and every action we take would be measured.The carefree attitude will have to be given a backseat and there will be more work and very little play.Dont think I am skeptical about what life ahead holds for me .Rather i feel that it would be a stimulating challenge to go out and fight it out there.But I am always going to miss the togetherness, the warmth, the fun and the frolic.Time may play spoilsport and fade away memories but I simply wish that the bonding stays for all times to come.

BEST DAYS!!

2006-04-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

Why is parting such an inevitable reality?Why do all good things come to an end?Why, people who have made my life soo very beautiful and meaningful in the last four years ,will no longer be with me?
I wish i cud hold time and stay back.I wish i had that divine power.
Life will go on.All of us will move ahead.But memories we have made together will stay on for the rest of my life.These four years helped me mature from a girl to a woman.I understand my priorities much better.I know my responsibilties.My friends have been an integral part of my existence in this place.They are the ones who have made me feel special in their own small ways.Those never ending sessions of khatti,those late nite movies most of which i slept through,those evenings sitting on the terrace and watching the sky and dreaming abt the stars there,those times when we have enjoyed pulling each others legs,those times when we fought really bad and then made up as if nothing happened,those late nites eating sessions,those long hours spent in chatting,those times when there were laughing sessions with my roomies just in the morning of the exam,those times when we have shared our deepest secrets and anxities,times when we have advised each others,times when we have consoled each other when we have cried, times when have bitched about each other,times when we had crushes,times when we have danced together,sang aloud ,ate together,slept together,times when we have borrowed everything from others,times when we have felt that friends are intruding in our private lifes,times when we have felt we are in love to times when we were in a state of hopelessness and frustration,I am gonna miss all these moments.Everyone I have met in this place seemed to belong to a different species.Everyone is so unlike the other yet everyone had someting or the other to teach you.Friends taught me to love ,to hate, to care,to work hard,to have fun,to be kind ,to be rude ,to be patient ,to be strong,to be outspoken.Things i have learnt here are gonna stay with me lifelong.We are moving away from a close knit family to a world of oblivion where everyone would be a stranger.Survival in that world wont be easy without these friends.
But life has to go on and we have to move ahead towars an uncertain future.But wherever i go,watever I am, whoever i meet, all u people will always have a very special place in my heart.Miss u all a lot!!

Leave ur newspaper and toilet the same way u expect to find them!

2006-03-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

Read this line in an article by Subroto Bagchi,cofounder of Mindtree Consulting, in RD.Somehow it caught my fancy.What if everyone in this world follows the above paradigm?The world wud become perfect.It wud become utopian.Everything around wud appear to be in its right place.
But somehow we indians have an attitude of following an exactly opposite path.We want our homes to be pristine clean but give a damn to the conditions just outside our boundary.What we fail to understand is that it is the same dirt that finally comes into our homes which we so diligently clean.We Indians have an acute sense of distinguishing between wats "ours" and wats not ours.things such as my room is my own but the immediate space outside it can never be my own.The lanes in my garden are my own but the roads and streets outside can never be mine.That is why i cleanup my garden and dump the garbage outside.The college is my own.But the roads and lawns in this college are not.Else why wud we litter them.The roads of my country,the platforms ,the government offices are not my own..else why wud we find spits everywhere around and why wud we find guys relieving themselves on every other corner??Else why wud public toilets be soo unbearable??Else why wud there be heaps of garbage piling at corners of streets with pigs having ball of a time??
I still have a very distinct memory of my pricipal in school.He was an australian..Fr Geoff..a person u cud idolise.He taught by example.Whenever any student wud throw a wrapper or a peice of paper in the campus infront of him he wud go himself and pick it up.The student wud get embarrased enuf not to litter the place again.He made it a point to give speeches on Independence day and Republic day in Hindi inspite of being not very conversant in it.He made it a point to talk to all parentsin Hindi lest they dont understand English.On the other hand we people seem to spare no chance of flaunting our English speaking skills.Seems we are still under British captivity.We still fail to take pride in things which are soo very our own.We have a sense of ownership and belonging which has gone awary!!
I simply wish that some day the situation improves so that not only my home is clean but also my larger home,my neighbourhood,my country can boast of things which are in perfect shape.

Life???

2006-01-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

In my last blog i talked abt a generation awakening after seeing wat was jst a movie..I was soo inspired that day..but the reality is much more stark than we wud like to believe.
Its been almost 5 long years since I left school..I was a completely different person then..very sincere in my approach towards life..I had a goal in my life and I was passionate abt it..I put day in and day out of hard work in hopes of achieving that goal.I didnt get it but i never regret that bcoz i know i did all i cud..maybe i wasnt meant for it.So the harshness of reality was blunted.But i have changed..i have become disillusioned.These days no failure seems to affect me..i seem to have resigned to watever comes my way.May be i m incompetent..even though i set my goals i lack the drive to pursue them and strangely enuf dont even feel guilty abt it.I was earlier a driver with full control of my vehicle called life.. i knew my destination .But all that has changed in my engineering life.I feel like a pillion rider these days with the steering of my life in hands of some invisible force still i make no efforts to take control..I have become too complacent..and I hate myself for it!!!I m taking life as offered on a palate not even trying to make it more meaningful.I have started to doubt my capabilities inspite of the fact that everyone arnd except myself believes that i am capable!!!
I need to shed my nonchalance soon,pick up the gauntlet and infuse some life into it or else i wud be left at crossroads..and my life wud become nthg more than jst an illusion..a mirage!!!

Be a REBEL

2006-01-27T12:10:00.000-08:00

Watched Aamir Khan starrer rang de basanti yesterday..i was eagerly waiting for this movie and must say it was worth all the wait.A beautiful movie with lots of youth power in it..it is a thought provoking soul stirring movie .Its very easy for all of us to sit back and keep complaining about all the wrongs that have been gripping the country...but very few people dare overcome this nonchalance ,stand up against the system and take up the responsibilty to cleanse it .Its a wake up call to the youth of today who have somewat resigned to their fate.The movie tries to question our conscience and inspires us to be a rebel.The movie beautifully establishes an analogy between the freedom fighters of preindependence era and the people of today who are still enslaved in the shackles of corruption,fundamentalism and poverty.The movie is thrilling and engrossing and keeps us at the edge of our seats all thru the 2nd half.The movie tries to dawn on us the realization that if we are to make a difference we have to wake up to reality and take up the challenge ourselves.The end may seem a bit utopian but it still arouses in us a sense of responsibilty towards our motherland and leaves us with a sense of optimism.

Another high of this movie is the music which seems to blend so perfectly with the story.Rehmans magic has worked once again.

Overall a wonderful and inspirational movie with a class of its own.Its a must see for every young person out there and if the movie can stir just one of these hearts it has served its purpose.

Tagged!!!

2006-01-27T11:11:00.000-08:00

My frend(AF) decided to take revenge on me for pulling his leg soo very often.So he tagged me:D
My 8s
1.My man should be intelligent.
2.He shud be loving, caring ,understanding and compassionate(clever me!!!! so many qualities in one shot)
3.He should be sincere in his approach towards life in general.
4.He should have respect for female kind.
5.He should give me my own personal space and shud not be very imposing.
6.He shud be adventurous kind and shud love travelling a lot.
7.He shud have the patience to bear with me when i go out shopping :)
8.He shud have a gud sense of music so that we can sing out loud together :D

I wud have loved my man to have many many more qualities..jst want him to be perfect in all respects..but thats the stuff dream man is made up of..and it wud b unfair on my part to be so demanding..so i leave it at this

For the time being i wud like to tag golak and harry :)

A Perfect Day

2006-01-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

A perfect day doesnt start at 6.45 in the morning havin to take bath in the chilly weather and having to get ready in time for a lab at 7.30.I somehow managed to reach class just 15 mins late which is quite an achievement going by my track record..the lab was irritating and the teacher was simply unbearable..had to struggle to sit thru 3 never ending hrs..finally clock struck 10.30 and we heaved a sigh of relief.we were on our way to watch rang de basanti a movie which i was awaiting eagerly for days..The movie was above our expectations.The thought provoking soul stirring story along with the beats of Rehman simply held us to our seats for the entire duration of the movie.I wud need another blog to describe the experience of watching rdb.After the movie it was treat time.It was along due treat and 13 gals headed for Barista.To our pleasent surprise we had the entire place to ourselves when we reached there.The only people who were there left within a few minutes and then we had a ball of a time.With the music of our choice blaring in the background we didnot need nething else to set our foot tapping.along with some yummy chinese food and coffee the ambience was simply electrifying.our excitement knew no bounds..we even broke a few pieces of crockery in the process..:D One helluva treat which we wud remember for days to come.
Coming back from there attended a traditional dance from of kerala as a part of spicmacay in college which was an experience in itself.Back in the hostel enjoyed watching tv in a community style with hundreds of people sitting infront of a single TV set..the comments flow soo freely that u seem to enjoy them more than the actual programme.A not soo bad dinner in the mess followed by a round of "khatti"..then i was back to some blogging which i had not done for quite a few days..A perfect end to a perfect day..though the day didnot start as i had wanted it to it jst ended the day i wud have loved it to.Alls well that ends well!!!!

The year that was..

2005-12-31T06:50:00.000-08:00

The night has already fallen.The canopy of darkness is all around.But it isnt jst another night.It is the last night of this year.Another year goes by and it seems in the wink of an eye.
Life this year has been a rollercoaster ride with sharp curves,steep inclines,lots of ups and few downs.The year started with the excitement of my elder brother's marriage.Eight years of love and commitment culminated into a lifelong bonding.I let myslf loose and danced in the baarat like there was no tomorrow.Then came the ecstacy of being employed.I got a job but felt the pain of my frends who had to struggle despite being soo good.Looking back at those days, I now hate the complacency which set in after getting a job..it seemed as if getting a job was all I had wanted in life.I panicked when my father met with an accident.Even though he recovered fully I realised that life is too unpredictable and the company of my loved ones is the most precious possession of my life.I saw my younger brother's dilemma in choosing the best available option of colleges.I found myself at emotional crossroads.I visited Mumbai and Goa.I loved the fast cars,flashy lights and insouciant attitude of Mumbai.Goa was close to heaven.The endless blue green stretches of the sea,the breathtaking beaches, the serene atmosphere...all have left an indelible impression in the echeleons of my memory.Goa beckons again.I regret not having put in my best for MBA exams.I made some new frends this year,came closer to many frends and also lost some old ones.In the last few months I have been gripped by a strange sadness time and again at the thought of life outside this hostel ,outside this college without my frends who have become such an important part of my existence.I celebrated my last Diwali, my last birthday with my frends...memories of which wud never fade.

The last 10 days of this year are worth a mention.As a volunteer of an international conference and later of national children science congress(NCSC), I worked together in a group with people whom I had known for years but never had a chance to interact.It was a learning experience and at the same time lots of fun.I visited almost all places in these 10 days which i had wanted to visit for last 3 years.Starting from puri to dhaulgiri, udaygiri-khandgiri to lingraj,I went places.Then came another highlight of this year when I was on stage with The President of India on 27th Dec.All I had to do was hand him over the candle for lighting the inaugural lamp of NCSC but those few seconds with him on stage were sufficient to feel the aura of his personality.APJ is a complete man in himself.His humbleness,his visions, his idealogies inspire all to strive and do sthg for the country.I relived a part of my school life with the kids who had come for NCSC.New year celebrations were incomplete without frends in the hostel but the enthusiasm and the excitement of the kids who danced all the way into the new year, more than made up for it.

In all the year 2005 was not jst another year in my life.I had my share of agonies and ecstacies during this year.I learnt important lessons of life.I matured and I know myself better today.As I step into the new year, the future still seems nebulous to me but i ll live life as it comes and make the most of every moment i get.

Last but not the least i wud remember 2005 for my debut in the blogging world :D

(P.S. -This was meant to be posted on 31st Dec nite but the author got too involved in the New year revelry and cud complete it only on the 1st day of the year 2006 :) So this makes it the first post of the year 2006!!! Happy new year to all)

To Heaven and back!!!

2005-12-28T05:11:00.000-08:00

I had never tasted the salty water of the ocean..I had never felt a wave go over my head..I had never felt the thrust of a wave so hard that my feet were no longer on the land..

I have been to some of the most beautiful beaches in the country(goa ,mumbai,digha,kanyakumari). I have always loved the feeling of the sand slipping under my feet when a wave recedes and my ability to maintain balance always gave me a feeling of triumph over the giant sea:D But 25th of Dec,2005 was a bit different.

We were a group of 12..9 guys, 2 gals and a Sir .We were on a trip to Puri because of the efforts we had put in making an international conference in our college a big success.It was a long awaited trip and more so for me because it was my first trip to that place.We started early that is 7.30 in the morning,stopped for a brief period for breakfast and were on the beach by 10.15a.m. The beach was serene , clean and to our delight there were very few people on that beach. Few of us tried to stay away from getting wet but it became difficult with each passing moment.No one cud resist the temptation of the inviting sea and after that there was no stopping us.First time in my life i went so far into the sea and didnt feel scared because of the assuring presence of my frends..I clung to their hands like my life depended on it:D

I tasted the salty water of the ocean..I felt a wave go over my head..I felt the thrust of the wave so hard that it lifted me up..I played in the sand..The fun was divine..The experience was memorable.

After more than 3 hours at the beach it was time to get fresh and head for the Jagannath Temple..one of the most sacred places of the Hindus.We had to walk almost a kilometer from the parking space to the temple but all this seemed worth once we caught the glimpse of the temple. I cud feel the divinity and aura surrounding the place.The vast temple complex had a large number of smaller temples each with its own history.The visit to the temple was made even more exciting by the presence of a guy amongst us who had spent 12 years of his life in Puri and had visited the jagannath temple almost 60 times!!! He related to us interesting anecdotes about the temples..All this was such a refreshing change from our daily routine..we felt closer to our culture and religion..felt much closer to a strange and overwhelming power which is difficult to explain in words..

We had lunch at the temple complex ..which in itself has special significance because everyday 60 items are cooked in earthen pots all of which is worth almost 1,50,000 rupees.The food was delicious to say the least.After gorging on the lunch it was time to head back to bhubaneswar.

We reluctantly dragged ur feet back to the parking lot.It was time to leave but the memories of this trip was there to stay for long times to come.

The Great Indian Drama!!

2005-12-19T05:41:00.000-08:00

Operation Duryodhan..just another episode in the soap opera called Indian politics.With the hue and cry over the aajtak-cobrapost expose still in the air and the parlimentarians cutting across party lines condemning the act as shameful..i guess how many of them wud be offering prayers that they didnt get caught???
Just goes on to show how the politics of this country is becoming murkier with each passing day..and sure the future seems bleak
Close on the heels of volcker committee report and later exposures by Matherani ,comes this scandal..and such scandals spare noone..with the congress neck deep in it,now even the BJP is said to be caught in the Volcker puddle with Romesh Bhandari hinting that a close relation of Mr A B Vajpayee was also involved in the shady dealings.On the other hand operation Duryodhan exposes members of parliment from almost all big shot political parties
Where does all this lead us to..wat kind of future can we expect when corrupt leaders like Laloo rule a state undisputed for 15 long years..where people feel no pangs of guilt when compromising on national security by accepting kickbacks when dealing in arms(read BOFORS) and the height of it all when the defence minister of the country bargains over the coffins for the martyrs of kargil war!!!Where parlimentarians are sold off jt for a mere 10000 bucks, can we blame a post man who takes jst 10 bucks to deliver an important letter at our doorsteps???Where people like Satyendra Dubey are killed in cold blood for exposing the rampant corruption there is a clear signal to everyone "Honesty in India has only one result -- failure"
The entire system is rotten..and if we donot stem the rot soon..we are heading for anarchy..we will reach the abyss from where it will be difficult to ever come out.there will be darkness and nothing else..

So is it the end of the road for us??NO NOT YET....jst came across a quote which sums up the optimism which is the need of the hour
"Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world.Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has"

I can still see a glimmer of hope :)
Can u???

Finally I arrive

2005-12-18T05:14:00.000-08:00

eh??? wat kind of a title is this for my first blog..as if the entire bloggers world was waiting for me to arrive with bated breath or as if this world was incomplete without my existence in it..:D
I cud have done a little better i guess...thought of the usual " I ,Me and myself"..but it sounded too hackneyed (but wud surely love to tell u about myself sometime later)
On a more sombre note,months of contemplation finally gave way to a few key strokes.....I have been reading a lot of blogs lately...of all genres displaying a motley of emotions...few of them very inspirational and few absolute crap. Strange is this world of bloggers where u seem to share your deepest desires, thoughts and emotions with people most of whom u wud never see or meet..but they tend to understand u perfectly.Somewhere I knew,even i wanted to be a part of this world...So finally I arrive :)